My son’s family had come to celebrate. Whenever I see his two children, I’m always surprised how they grow up so rapidly. It’s not just their height. Farrah (meaning God is with her) 8 years old, goes to the American school and she won first prize in a ballet competition when she was 6 and also won first prize in competitions in swimming, competing with American students from 7 different schools. What was astonishing was that she was the only girl among the boys to win first prize. And now I take it for granted because I am told that she always wins first prize. This time, she showed me a medal and said “I swam with Korean students for the first time at a large Arena called Park Taehwan swimming pool and I didn’t perform as well as usual and came in 4th place. Still, it was a big competition so I got this medal” and put the medal around my neck. I had been taking it for granted that she would always do well in swimming competitions, and I also heard that she recently won first prize again in 3 competitions ,freestyle, butterfly and backstroke. She looked cheerful now, but I briefly thought about how she must have felt then. And then, Farrah took out a thick paper and wrote the following in Korean and gave it to me. I cried because I failed to break my personal record in swimming,
Outside God was crying too Her mother had told me that Farrah always wrote poems and drew paintings at home even when no one told her to. I advised her that “This is all good but I would say ‘God was crying ‘beside me’’ to make it more familiar.”
She said, “When I came out after the competition, it was snowing outside. So I thought God was crying outside too, just like me.”
She thought that the snow coming from the sky were the tears of God and thought God and she were of the same mind. Do all children at that age possess that kind of innocence and wisdom? I was lost in thought for a moment. At that age, I also received several awards for writing children’s poems, yet it took decades, half a century in fact, for me to come back to the poetry. And then Farrah pointed to a small picture frame on the wall and asked, “What does this Japanese mean?” I was surprised at her curiosity as well. It was a watercolor painting of the view from the top of a mountain with a line of poem underneath. “The landscape which has been waiting for me to come” Farrah marveled with her mouth open. Grown ups like my son and his wife were silent. Micah 4 year old, always copies his sister. I had bought the painting a few years ago in Japan, admiring the thought of the artist. I looked at her admiring what I had admired. You cannot teach that kind of thing, it is more precious than any other gift. After they were gone, my heart was all butterflies. Because I had seen many instances of people around me not moved. I think everyone is born with that kind of sensibility and spirituality. Maybe those things are gradually gone as adults try to teach the world and the common sense. Some people are scornful, wondering what good innocence is, as they are unproductive. But in this world which becomes more and more rugged, those kinds of things might be the lustral water that purifies our spirit and makes the world livable. In the New Year, we must bring back those vanishing throbbing and moving feelings into life.
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