I’ve sometimes faced General Paik with an anxious heart for fear that this would be the last time I met him.
Now that he is actually gone, all kinds of feelings and thoughts fill my heart.
It wasn’t like I met him to write about him, but I was so impressed with his willpower, memory and inspiration that I often wrote about him, praising him as “a living legend.” Now he has become a true legend.
At the news of his death, many scenes come to me like a panoramic view.
Among many dream-like scenes, my first and last visits to him come to my mind.
One day in October 2007, I paid General Paik my first visit. I wanted him to tell me about my father, as both he and my father went to Pyeongyang University of Education. But I was worried. He was a war hero who saved our country, and everyone in Korea has heard of him, if he doesn’t know my father as they weren’t classmates, what would I talk to him about, as I know nothing about war.
I used to feel intimidated by professional soldiers, but General Paik made me comfortable in his office at the War Memorial of Korea. He talked to me about my father, who was 2 years senior to him and I was overcome with longing. They went their separate ways after graduation but General Paik remembered everything about my father’s life. He also said that he had read my mother’s poetry collection.
General Paik was very folksy and simple for a man of such great reputation. While that was different from my father’s refinedness, I was surprised at the weight of his sincerity and discretion, and I was surprised at his delicacy that could recall what happened over 80 years ago. I understood why every commander of U.S. army said they wanted to have General Paik’s memory.
“I value honesty the most. That is why commanders of U.S. forces trusted me,” he said.
I remember a lot of things he said while we met for 13 years.
“I tried my hardest to save our people and country.”
“When we went to Pyeongyang University of Education, your father and I were both patriotic and studied very hard to beat Japan.”
“It’s thanks to the U.S. army that our global trade economy, not only our security and national defense, prospered.”
“I have all the strategies. It’s a pity that my country can’t make use of them.”
“Both good things and bad things would have happened to you. Yet, you will be rewarded by God. Or not. That’s life.
Whenever I met him, I was reminded that the brain, memory, heart, mental power, patriotism were irrelevant of his 100 year old age. I can’t forget his modest and humane attitude.
General Paik encouraged me to visit any time, but I was relectant and just visited him from time to time. Whenever June 25th approached, however, I almost automatically went to his office at the War Memorial of Korea.
August 1950, when he became a general at the early time of his twenties, he led his subordinates, who wanted to retreat, in the right direction at the battle of Dabudong. And that year in October, he persuaded the U.S. forces to change their tactics; they charged upon the office of Kim Il-sung after walking day and night to Pyeongyang. While army stories are usually boring, the stories General Paik told of changing tides during Korean war were always moving.
“100 years is nothing~”
As I left his office I heard him say “I am sorry for a lot of things.” I for some reason thought that sounded like a confession mixed with deep regret at the twilight of his life.
I had asked him if he wanted to go to Pyeongyang. He shook his head, saying he didn’t want to go to communist Pyeongyang. I had thought he would surely say he missed his hometown.
General Paik had said “I hated losing more than dying in a battle”
I think I would head to the War memorial of Korea every June 25.
